Senior (Citizen) D.C. Trip 2024

(In which Brian, after missing his high school trip to D.C. back in the 80s [too poor for such extravagance], finally gets a week in our Nation's Capital.) 

Important Travel Tips.

A) Even IF you do have your boarding pass printed out beforehand AND you’re not checking any bags, you still should give yourself more than 30 minutes to get to the plane.

B) Yes, my Clear Creek T-shirt and cargo shorts wouldn’t generally scream “One way ticket to Heaven”, but my knee brace was a definite Red Flag. I got the full treatment. Okay, not the, you know, THAT search but my knee brace got a wipe down. I can now say with pride, confidence, and puzzlement that this piece of foam rubber and cloth isn’t harboring any drugs, explosives, or anything else on the “Don’t Even Think About It” TSA list. Just an old wobbly knee joint.

C) As you can imagine, all that wand waving and wiping got me a tad bit anxious to get out of there. I grabbed my shoes, phone, and computer bag and went to find Wendi; who was also getting eager to get to our now boarding plane. For some reason, the boarding pass I printed off at home had everything on it except a gate number. We trundled up to an Alaska Airlines desk and asked. That’s when Wendi looked down and asked a very important question.

    Brian, where’s your luggage?

D) Losing your luggage on a very busy Sunday? Not fun. Scrambling around that airport trying to retrace my steps? Also, not fun. Wendi asked me if I could have left it at security.

  Once I found the correct security station,  (after having checked two other ones nearby) they did have the bag. Of course, it had to go through the scanner again but this was a small price to pay for clean underwear and socks. (Thank the Lord none of these Team TSA noticed my suspicions knee!)

E)  Before going on my quick and frantic walk about, I handed Wendi our boarding passes and hotel confirmation. She promptly left everything on the seat next to her.

F) Gate 3 was a shuttle away. Not knowing what would happen when we got there, we took the shuttle.

G) As the Alaska Airlines employee at the boarding gate was doing a last call for flight 402, two sweaty frantic looking folks showed up and breathlessly started telling their sad story The nice lady just told us to get on the plane. We were the last ones to board.

  So, it was a rough start to our D.C. Adventure. Couple of notes before signing off for the night. First, only I was sweating. Wendi remained calm and collected the entire time. And just a bit perturbed through much of it.

  Also, that 2 seconds between Wendi asking about my luggage and me looking down at the empty space where it should have been?

  Yeah,THAT moment is forever etched into my brain. And, because my brain hates me, I will be re-seeing that moment at inopportune times for the rest of my life. Thanks, Brain!

  I’m sure others have experienced the phenomena described above: your brain flashing stupid and/or dangerous events in your life at you just for the hell of it. I’ll need to figure out a term for when your brain just. won’t. it. go. Stay tuned.

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(The view from our condo’s door.)

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Day 2

So, here is our living situation. We’re staying at the Hilton Grand Vacation: The District. Yes, that is confusing. Anyone can stay here but us Hilton Grand Vacation members get to stay on the top three floors. Basically, we’re extra special: discounts at the restaurant, our own concierge, and they set out cookies for us. Take that, huddled masses!

  The rooms have windows looking outside and windows that look out into the atrium. (That’s the photo above.) The three elevators all are completely glass so folks who don’t like heights (like me) can stare at the elevator door.

  As part of our HGV awesomeness, we get free breakfast and two drinks during the bar’s happy hour. Thus far, we haven’t made it to either. A great tragedy. Wendi didn’t sleep at all last night and so slept in till mid-morning. And we were starving come early evening and so passed on four (4!) virgin Bloody Mary’s. 😭

  I should be a better person.

…

  Today was all about The Mall. We walked there and so a bunch of monuments and memorials.

  And now I know the difference between those two words. According to my phone’s pedometer, we logged about 16K steps.

  All this while enjoying a very humid 90 degree weather. Tomorrow should be slightly cooler. And our destination shall be two, maybe three of the Smithsonian museums.

  The Vietnam Memorial did its job well. Lincoln and Washingtons’ edifices were awe inspiring: like the men themselves. Inspiring but the Vietnam Memorial was very moving. Wendi asked if I wanted a photo but it didn’t seem…right. Just wouldn’t capture the mournful vibe. I didn’t know any of those men and women on that wall but every one of them raised their right hands and took the same oath as I did back in the 80s.

As Harold did in the 40s.

Tom and Gordon in the 60s.

And my cousin Adam in the 2000s.

We happy few…

✋

  By late afternoon, we were beat but spent at least 20 minutes trying to get a Lyft. Our first driver managed to park on the opposite side of Pennsylvania Avenue. By the time we got across this busy street, he had decided to move on. Really wish Lyft had a way for me to write a review of THAT fucking idiot.

  A second driver eventually showed and took us home. Only two miles but took us almost twenty minutes. It would have been quicker to walk but Wahid had the A\C cranked up and so we tipped him well.

  New discovery made at Chef Geoff’s restaurant: putting a light misting of hot honey one your pepperoni pizza makes it even more delicious(er).

  With Hurricane Debby meandering her way up the east coast, we have some rainy days coming up. Since the Hardys packed exclusively for hot, sunny weather, we’re wondering if we should buy any foul weather gear. The one complimentary umbrella in this condo might be enough.

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Day 3

  Yeah, we made it to one: The Smithsonian Natural History Museum. Wendi could not get to sleep so we got a very late start to our day. This was the case throughout the entire trip though she did get up a bit earlier each morning.

  Anyway, the museum rocked. Our favorite by far. Sadly, due to our late start and it closing at 5:30, we maybe saw half of it? What might we have learned about mammals, oceans, and insects? Who knows? We managed the dinosaur and gem wings.

(No thanks!)

(You can just make out the look of longing on Wendi’s face.)

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Day 4

  A slightly earlier start. As we headed out to the curb to meet our Lyft, we saw this beautiful sight.

(Suck it, Rich Man!)

    Because we weren’t sure about our start time, we (I) had more of a play it by ear plan for the day. We stopped by the Air&Space Museum first. Like all things Smithsonian, there was no entrance fee but you are required to register an entrance time by 8:30 each morning. 11:30 is well past 8:30 so we just decided to amble down street to see what perked our interest.

  The first one we came to was the Hirshorn Museum of Modern. We weren’t that excited at the prospect of seeing a bunch of toilet seats and paper mache rocks but it was free and air conditioned.

  Glad we took the chance. Yes, there were a few “What the hell?” displays.

    And yeah, thanks to a lot of studying for quiz bowl back in high school (Thanks, Mr. Hotell!), I know the above is a Jackson Pollock “masterpiece”, but in my (non)humble opinion, it is a Jackson Pollock Masterpiece of Crap.

  Art, especially the visual arts can either

A) Look like a thing, This painting looks like Lady Twattlesworth.

or…

B) Promote or Disparage a thing, Note how magnificent the young Henry the VIII looked in his armor.

or…

C) Evoke some sort of feeling. See how evil the Germans were to bomb this poor little Spanish village?!!

Or any combination of the three.

  A whole lot of what was on display fit into a fourth category: Convincing some rich wanker to part with some money.

  And then..

  We entered a huge room that was all one piece of art by Laurie Anderson. It was stunning. Both Wendi and I were just gobsmacked and easily could have spent an hour in that room.

Some portions made me laugh out loud. While other parts made me wipe away a tear.

  When we finally went on to the next exhibits, Wendi and I both agreed that this was the best single thing we saw at any museum.

  So, I’m glad we decided to go.

  We had a little bit more time and so went to  Freer Museum of Asian Art next door. It had Asian Art. Lots and lots of Asian Art. And not to be dismissive; it was all very impressive but we got to Art Overload after an hour or so.

  After a quick dinner, we took a three hour bus tour of DC. Had we had more time, each one of these monuments would have been worth a separate trip but we didn’t and so whirlwind it was. It hit all the Biggies:

  The first filled me with patriotic fervor. Jefferson? Yeah, he’s a mixed bag. Intellectually brilliant? Check. Wise? Less so.

   It’s this country’s great fortune that our first president was his polar opposite.

  Then it was onto MLK and the Marine Corps. Impressive both but we we pretty knackered by tour’s end.

  Every time you stay at a Hilton, they’ll ask you if you want to hear about all the new awesome things Hilton has to offer. It’s a sales pitch but it had been four years since our last one and it was only going to be an hour and they’d pay us $200, we figured it was worth it. Since we’ve always been quite happy with our Silver Club Status, it’s not like we were going to spend any money.

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Day 5

  So, we’re now Gold Status. Darn you, Troy!!

  Yeah, they got us and we missed the complimentary breakfast (Wendi was really jonesing for some scrabbled eggs) but, even with a day to ponder it, we think it is and will be worth it. I’ve been talking about wanting to travel; especially once retirement kicks in and this change will make that easier.

  One new perk was that we could use the Owner’s Club at that Hilton. It’s a lounge with breakfast and dinner buffets and evening drinks. It bit like what the masses enjoy down on the ground floor of the Hilton only, you know, better. We got a lot of use out of it in the remaining day and a half.

  Hindsight being…hindsightful, we really should have signed up on day one and saved a crapton on restaurant bills.

  Then it was off to American History. It was impressive. Any place where you can see both

this:

and this: is worth an afternoon.

  So, it was back to our Exclusive Owner’s Club for dinner and then back to our room.

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  Day 6

Our last day in D.C. started with a bang. Or rather, a loud buzz coming from our cell phones.

  And then this text from Hilton.

Greetings! We just received a national weather service alert for Tornado warning until 8:45am EDT & Flash flood until 11:10am EDT.

Kindly stay away from windows

Huh.

  Did NOT plan for this eventuality. We just stayed in our room, chillaxing till noon. Then had lunch at “our” club.

Having actually reserved a time at Air and Space, we went there. The first thing you saw upon entering was a huge hit with the parents and grandparents but much less so with the children.

While there, we saw all the Big Attractions: the Wright Brothers plane, the space capsules from the Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo programs, the (ha-ha) “Waste Management” devices worn while in said capsules. Also there were Lenard Nimoy’s ears. (Well, the ones he wore in the show).

  Our two biggest takeaways from this trip were that Orville and Wilber have really gotten a bum rap from the history books. They weren’t just clever bicycle makers who tinkered around with airplanes in their spare time. They did science; going through what was then known about aerodynamics, testing that knowledge, using their own home built wind tunnel and then improving upon it. Next, they used that knowledge and their engineering skills to build, test, improve. Finally, the brothers used their business and marketing skills to basically start a whole new industry. The only comparable figure I can think of is Edison.

  Hats off to you Bros!

  The other takeaway?  Take a look at this thing.

  When you get up close, the first thought that comes to mind is:

“What a piece of junk.”

The second thought:

“Two men lived in this for two weeks.”

Finally:

“However did they fit into those space suits with the Massive Balls they must have had?!?”

  So, like with The Brothers, my trip to the museum made me even more appreciative of our past American Heroes. Good job, Smithsonian.

  After that, it was back to the Hilton for dinner and a relaxing evening.

  This morning,I started with time honored tradition of “Brian Tried to Eat All The Leftovers in the Fridge”. Actually, I just tossed out the one hard boiled eggs and returned yesterday’s untouched banana to the breakfast buffet downstairs. We both got up early enough to have breakfast downstairs; Wendi finally getting her longed-for scrambled eggs.

  Because of our previous experience, we got to Dulles plenty early. It was pretty empty so we buzzed right though. And we both kept a very sharp eye on all of our bags.

  And now, we’re flying back home. Since the pilot just announced that we’re at the midpoint, I seem to have a bit of extra time to jot down some reflections on this trip.

A) This was our first vacation where we used Lyft to get around. Even though some of the trips were a bit more…thrilling than we’re used to, and a couple times, I clicked on the wrong destination, the convenience outweighed the downside.

B) This was a first for my using Apple Wallet also. Like last year at Disneyland, if you don’t have a modern mobile; don’t even bother coming.

C) As part of our Hilton Grand Vacation status, we could have each gotten two free drinks at the downstairs bar each evening. In addition, as platinum people, we could have had free beer and wine at the Club. In years past we would have used these perks to their maximum effect. This trip, we didn’t do either. To say that I didn’t miss it would be untrue but I am positive we got more out of our trip without it.

D) On an even more personal note (aren’t you glad you made it this far?), due to a medical procedure last month, I’m currently taking a large dose of Pyridium every day. One of the side effects of this medication is that I now have bright orange urine. Like orange paint pee. Physiology and hydrodynamics being what they are, I and more embarrassingly Wendi, have gotten a good look at my (to borrow a Dungeons and Dragons term) splash damage. Seems I’m carrying my own C.S.I. department. So, looking forward to finishing this regimen and going back to the Land of Ignorance.

Plus, tired of having to do a two-flush at the urinal.

E) As was the case for last year’s Disney trip, Wendi continued in her role as Seeing Eye Spouse. While out and about, I took note of “everything around” and “whatever is coming up next”. Wendi focused on our “in front of and happening right now”. Despite some near misses with my elbows and her nose, I think we make a good team.

  And on that happy note, I think it’s time to wrap this up. Thanks for making it to the end.

The end.