Thrilling Weekend Part 1

7/20/2014

Well, here I am enjoying the comforts of the living room couch. Wendi is at the other end. Tina's upstairs getting ready for night two of her stay. I was almost positive she'd planned a two night stay but today I learned it was three nights. Uh...yea?

We're thinking we will do some shopping tomorrow for a sleeper/sofa; one we can put upstairs in the library. Not saying we will buy anything but if we come across an adequate one......

Missed a heck of a Secret BBQ yesterday. It was a slightly smaller crowd than planned as the W Clan canceled relatively last minute. JM also didn't make it.  But that still left us with the Bs, Ss (B and E), and PH. Plus us Hardys and Tina. Wendi was completely fooled though when she called to say she was coming home, I sounded a bit too silly not to raise her Spidey Senses. (I was talking on the phone in front of everybody and said I was just walking around in my underwear.) 

One bit of news I got was that Mrs. J won't be our 3rd team member. She has accepted a position in Gig Harbor. Hmmmmm. Guess that's more work for Mrs. K. Hope she finds a good 5th grade teacher.

Well, my beloved is glaring at me from the sleepy and sensible end of the couch so I'll have to save my description of the Valley burning up for tomorrow. Stay tuned.

7:51 Sunday. Actually sort of slept in. Unusual. Maybe couch living agrees with me.

Anyway, then yesterday afternoon, we went over to Bellevue to Stuart and Britt's place for niece Tamara's....2nd birthday. It's more an excuse for a whole gob of Heath's and Emorys and various other relatives to get together. There were about 30 peeps there all told. Xander was the oldest kid there and naturally assumed his God-Given Role of trying to keep everything organized. There was a huge box in the rec room downstairs which he transformed into a fort. Cool kids inside. Unwashed masses outside wanting to get in. Kind of like being a fifth-grade teacher at CC.

Later, we saw him leading a small group of kids outside. Well, attempting. Seems there was a large contingent of small rabble rousers who just were not following the plan. Actual quote, "Kids, this is a fire drill! Not a stuff your face with fruit drill!" 

The life of a future hall monitor is not an easy one.

I am willing to say outright that the reviews of my BVB Burgers were much more glowing than those of my brother in law's. Granted, the judges were my wife and Tina and, well, me but I happen to agree with their judgement. 

Sister in law is back to bringing her own small cooler of Coors Lite with her to such social events. Which she finished. Most....unique.

Why did the Ws not show up on Friday you ask? They had to drive to Eastern Washington and decided last minute to leave a day early in order to beat the forest fires which were (are) making cross-state travel a hassle. This is the case if you are going through Central Washington like they planned. 

Seems there are mess of fires in the dry half of the state; including a couple in and around the Methow Valley. The town at the bottom of the Valley, Pateros, had a good portion of its downtown burned down on Thursday. And Twisp and Winthrop have been under evacuation warning on and off for the last couple of days. Adding to this joy is the fact that the electricity has been out since Thursday. (Fires knocked out the one power line into the Valley.) Nobody knows when it'll be back on but it could be weeks. And also cell phone service is mostly out. 'Cause why the hell not?!?

I must admit, this does put a bit of a damper on our future travel plans. We'll just have to play it by ear.

Also, it makes me want to go do something useful over there. Bring a generator or 5 gallons of gas. Something like that. I'll call Dad and see what he thinks. Brother Jeff's Methownet site is down and that's never down. Wonder what's going on over there. 

My first step will be to get off this couch. 

This comfy couch. 

The things I do for the Greater Good. Wish me luck.

Brian
Sent from the wild and crazy side of the couch.

Thrilling Weekend Part 2

7/22/2014

Woke up way early. Couldn't get back to bed and so decided to load up the car. Have now done so but it's still way too early to go visit people or swing by the store. Might as well update you all on the Valley Situation.

From where I sit in the Ranch Living Room, things look wonderful. Sky is clear. There's a light breeze. However, if I look directly south, all the hills in the distance seem to be smoldering.

I took a drive south a few miles past Carlton yesterday when I arrived yesterday. There were a lot of burnt fields and I noticed a few missing structures. No doubt a native would have noticed more than a few.

There didn't seem to be anything still burning on the west side of the Valley but there was plenty still burning on the east side; mostly south of Twisp. The fires got more noticeable as evening fell.
Brother Gregg's house didn't look in the path of anything but a strong wind going in the right (or rather: wrong) direction can change things very quickly.

Spoke with Jeff and Mariah last night. It was a long day. Which preceded a longer day all the way back to Thursday, when the stuff really hit the fan. He said a few small little hundred-acre fires whipped up to into one huge inferno in just a matter of hours due to some vengeful winds. That the news keeps mentioning the hundred homes destroyed while showing footage of Pateros. However, only 30ish of those were in Pateros and the rest were in the Valley. (Though I don't mean to poo-poo the suffering of those 30 families; just to give idea of the proportional suffering.)

We Hardys have had our fire-related loss. Jeff has 20-acres up the Loup with a small house he's rented out for many years. It's now gone as is the "Taj Maj-shed" and an old tractor.  Jeff hasn't been up there yet. Not ready to face that yet. Not sure how much time Jeff's renter had to flee.

Possibly as devastating is the fact that Jeff and Mariah's wireless internet business is in trouble.
Right now, there is no power in the Valley and won't be for days or more likely, weeks. Jeff said there is some talk of bringing in huge FEMA generators but for now, the Valley is dark but for scattered little generators chugging away.

Ironically, that's actually helping Methownet. Once people do start getting power, they will notice that their internet isn't working. And won't be working for some time. You see, one thing that burned in GREAT quantities over the past 4 days are PUD telephone poles. (Yes, they actually carry electricity but saying "electric poles" would be confusing.) Well, Methownet used those poles to help with internet coverage for this far flung Valley. So, while the Public Utility District will be motivated to get all their infrastructure back, Jeff would really like it all back, like yesterday. He and the team are probably already at work trying to figure something out. Soon. The Evil Corporations are quite eager to crush the hometown competitor.

Provided Gregg's house survived the night, his losses were some sleepless nights and his livelihood. Construction has come to a stand still and will remain so for who knows how long.

So, the Valley is mostly without power and internet. And phone service is spotty. Well, even spottier than usual. The AT&T cell tower was damaged so that network is down for the count. Sadly, they actually had the better Valley coverage. Verizon is fine but I have to go to Twisp to make a call.

It's almost 7:30 and most likely, people are up. Or they should be, the lazy bastards. I will go visit Gregg, Konnosan and Jeff and Mariah's shop in Winthrop.

Onward.

4:17 PM
Awaiting the arrival of the Edmonds' Ferry.

Things look much better after I took another tour. First spoke with Gregg. He was actually on his way to work on a house way up the Rendezvous but we met at Hank's Market in Twisp. Mr. Conrad is about the most popular man in the Valley for his foresight in buying a $250K generator so he could keep his supermarket and gas station open on the off, off chance a bunch of fires would knock power to the whole Valley for who knows how long. He'd be elected King were there an election right now. None of the current officials have covered themselves in public adulation. Nobody knows anything.
Generators are very popular right now.  They've got one up at Gregg's construction site. G-Man was quite happy about that turn of events. I expect there will be a bit of a building boom in the next year.

Tina was very interested in getting one or two generators for the Ranch. One for the house (or rather the freezer) and one for the pump. The local supplier ran out of their very over priced and underpowered models which gave the Ranch's handyman, A, a chance to possibly pick up a couple of more suitable models from this side of the Cascades. Hope he was successful. As I said, cell phone service is ghastly so I don't know how that went.

Swinging by Methownet, things are looking promising there also. Through some electronic alchemy, internet service should be somehow, possibly up and running by the end of the week..(?)

Not sure the details. Bless his heart, Jeff always attempts to explain what he's doing, and I always nod and think of bunny rabbits.

He hadn't been up the Loup yet but Gregg had and showed me the pictures he'd taken. Just foundations left.

Thus, yet another structure I worked on comes to a grisly end.

Tina sounds like she wants to go back tomorrow. I will highlight the smoke, lack of power and phones when hinting she could certainly stay in Silverdale at least a few more days. Xander will certainly lobby hard. However, the Great Tragedy My Past Three Decades is my utter inability to get a Heath Woman to change her mind once it's set.

Might go with the grandson angle.

So that's the update from the Methow Valley. I expect the local businesses would really appreciate your patronage if you feel like heading over. I'd originally planned to do so this weekend but that date may need to be adjusted. We shall see.

Take care.

Brian

This Summer

7/14/2014

    Been a while. Summer's been mostly working on the To-Do list. Not terribly exciting. Last weekend, Xander and I went over to the Ranch to goof around. It's much more relaxing; without Harold, a foot in the grave, demanding all of Tina's time/energy. 

That's her grandson's job.

My mother-in-law is currently figuring out how to minimize the damage that Harold's f'd up will is wreaking. He so wanted to be generous but didn't leave any $ with which to do so. But Tina signed off on his estate planning when they updated everything 3 or 4 years ago. Wish she hadn't so completely trusted all his assurances.

One benefit is Tina's current #1 priority is making sure her will will be trouble-free for her heirs. A goal I can whole-heartedly support.

Wendi is about a month into her new job at Group Health. We love the new income. She is struggling to keep up with the paperwork. This is the first full-time job she's had since Xander was born. 

I've done one day hike so far this summer; last week. It was a 14-mile slog and I was embarrassingly sore the next day (or two). 

My compadre S and I plan several more day hikes, all in the Olympics. 

I am also planning lots more days of clamming. Thus far, my son and I have caught a mighty total of three and a half clams. Not really a good return on our $18 investment for my license. 

As to our summer plans, here is my thinking. We have roughly a week's vacation each summer. Last summer it was Las Vegas. Well, this summer, Wendi won't be able take any time off so it'll just be X-Man and me. Now, a couple weeks ago, I got my enhanced driver's license so Canada is now an option. Hilton has properties up in Whistler and I was wondering if you wanted to go up there for three or four days in August. I'd take care of lodging and you'd take care of transportation. 

You interested enough for me to inquire further? In Vegas, we got two rooms connected by a living room for four nights. Wendi's friend V and husband were supposed to take the other room and Xander was to have the living room hide-a-bed but the W’s had to cancel last minute. Xander was quite pleased to have his own room.

So, what do you think? I realize this is a bit last minute. Wendi is usually in charge of organizing the Family Summer Vacation but since she ain't goin'; her interest is minimal. I plan to throw myself on her mercy very soon. 

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on the matter. Oh, and also read The Martian. Best book I've read in years.

Adios.

Mr. Brian

My Son, The Moron

5/12/14

Sad to say the results are in and are conclusive. The test, developed at some of the finest universities in Europe and North America, consists of one deceptively simple question. 

In a room with a low ceiling AND a chandelier that your mother has lugged from house to house for over 35 years, your preferred entertainment would be:

A) Reading Quietly.

B) Practice Swinging Your Light Saber. 

You may be able to guess which path my son chose. 

I told him that he'll need tell mom tomorrow when she calls but that he shouldn't worry about it.

Well, maybe he'll find a good woman more interested in looks than brains. 

Worked for Dear Old Dad.

K-Bowl

3/22/2014

Hello All,

    First, I don’t usually write folks out of the blue unless I have a more or less on-going correspondence with them. Unless I work with them. Or are related to them. Those of you in the “To:” cell who don’t find themselves in either category are there because you knew me and the Mrs. back in the day when we took this much more seriously. 

     Today, Wendi, Xander and I went to Arlington High School to watch the 2014 Washington State Knowledge Bowl Championship. We have been talking about doing so every year for, well, ever but 2014 was the year to get it done. 

    This was due to a combination of State being on this side of the mountains, our awareness of the fact due to a recent MV News article and last month’s (re) discovery of an April 2012 issue of the News which had a wonderful article on the history of LBH Knowledge Bowl. Got us all reminiscing about our glory days. (And annoyed Wendi to no end as they got her college and degree wrong.)

      After contacting Coach Hubbard by email to get the details, we made it by 10:00 this morning. Granted, the thing started at 8:00 but we made it. Wendi brought out her carefully packed “National Academic Championship” t-shirt from 1985 when my K-Bowl team went to Dallas. Not for her to wear but it didn’t look so bad on Xander. 

      Here’s the delightful thing that really shouldn’t have surprised us. Since this year’s Liberty Bell High School quiz kid team contains both a Mendro and a Reynauld, there was a group of Methow Valley Boosters already there to support the team. They were everywhere!

      Truth be told, I had concerns of we Hardy’s being the only non-competitors in the room. In retrospect, that was dumb. Of course, families will drive great distances to support their kids. 

      The choice of Arlington was wonderfully fortuitous because one AHS teacher is Ben Mendro. The Ben Mendro. Okay, for those not steeped in Knowledge Lore, Ben was on the team while I was still cooling my heels at Methow Valley Middle School. One of the LBH Quiz Bowl Legends. Oh, let’s not piss about; Ben is the other Legend. 

     In the same room. 

     Kinda like when Mr. Data met Spock. 

    But way cooler. 

    As for the competition, our Mighty Mountain Lions did well. 6th or 7th place Seemed to need to some extra practice on social studies (NB: Gettysburg was NOT a famous Revolutionary War battle nor is Glenn Beck is the only surviving Mercury Space Program member.) but since history was my specialty, I’m grading them pretty harsh on this one. The kids seem to know plenty about high school math and English grammar. I assume that was one of my team mate’s responsibility back when. Sure hope it was. 

   Must admit, in the last round, I kept track of all the questions I had answers to. Out of the 50 questions, I answered 17 (on a large post-it note). Of those, 7 where unanswered by any of the teams. Had there been some sort of emergency which required the invocation of the rarely used State Championship Old Folk Quota, I would not have embarrassed myself nor my alma matter.  My son-yes but he should be used to that by now. 

Here’s the last thing. Back in the 80s, we buzzed in by touching our fingers across two flat pieces of metal bars, completing a circuit. Then a digital read-out on a box would give you 15 seconds to answer the question. A time keeper held a piece of plastic attached to the box by a thick wire. He or she could reset the timer by laying a thumb over two bolt-heads; again completing the circuit. Even back then, when Ms. Pac Man was pretty high-tech, it seemed a pretty simple system to my eyes. 

Guess when/where the below photos were taken! Did you guess “Arlington, WA in 2014”? You guessed it. This wasn’t a case of reusing tried and true engineering. No, this piece of machinery was 30 years old. Those young whipper snappers were using the same devices their (equally brilliant) parents used decades in the past. 

For the life of me, I can’t decide whether that's pathetic or awesome. 

Well, I have taken up enough of your valuable time. Thank you for indulging me. 

Brian

Silverdale, WA 

LBH ‘86

The Best Laid Plans

11/23/2013

Well, yesterday was supposed to “The Night”. We were no longer worried about some body part falling off my wife were she to visit me upstairs. (If ya know what I mean, wink, wink.) 

Sadly, That Source of All Evil: Mrs. P organized a swimming party at the Bainbridge Pool last night from 5:00 to 7:00. That meant the two of us spent a couple of sweltering hours watching the Spawn frolic in the water. Okay, get the kid some fast food he can chow down on the long traffic-y ride home. 

Get home, he wants to watch something. Uh…DwTS? Nope. It’s still a 2 hour show and neither of us adults got a whole lot of sleep the previous night. Wendi woke about 2ish and had great trouble falling asleep. I woke up at my usual time of 5:50ish and quietly got ready to go; keeping all the lights off so as to not disturb the Sleeping Beauty below. (Actually, if I so much as change my mind somewhere in the house, Wendi is instantly awake but I keep trying.) 

I was just about ready to leave when I realized that I’d gotten up at 4:50ish instead. So both of us were working from a serious sleep deficit. 

Okay, I pick It’s Thanksgiving, Charlie Brown. Only a half hour. Done! Wait! Xander has started the 2nd Charlie Brown special on the DVD, which is “Watch Pilgrims Starve and Die of Dysentery, Charlie Brown.” Seriously. Quite depressing. And not very romantic. But only another 30 minutes. But now we are well past 9:30. Danger Zone!

So, the holiday DVD is done. As it’s Friday, Wendi goes upstairs to read to the boy. Ideally, something quick. And tiring for the child. Downstairs, I am enjoying my Friday 39 Minutes of xBox Fun. Whoo-hoo!

Then, tragedy strikes. About 20 minutes into my game session, Xander comes down to tell me his mother has fallen asleep while reading to him.

Sad Trombone Sound Here.

I trudge upstairs and get the wife (who is now under the pile of pillows and blankets Xander thoughtfully dumped on her) awake long enough to get into bed. And turn down the $#@@!! heat ‘cause if she’s in an actual bed (and not on the downstairs couch with her top half propped up on pillows), then we don’t need the thermostat so blasted high. 

Wendi sleeps and, with no adults to stop me, I play Bioshock till about 2:00 AM. :( 

Well, into mid-morning, I hear Xander rummaging in the pantry for sustenance so I get out of bed and go feed him. Wendi soon follows. We both get plenty of sleep, at least but sadly, all that horizontal sleeping has caused my Wife’s face to swell. No, J, not “Pumpkinhead” swollen but enough to convince her that she’s not quite done with sleeping downstairs. 

More trombone. 

So, the plan now is to get the darn kid asleep as early as possible; tranquilizer dart to the ass if needed. Or, we could just let him sleep outside. Character-buiding. Whatever.

And, once that’s accomplished, Wendi will visit me upstairs (again, wink, wink). Once she done visiting me, I’ll kick her ass back downstairs and get some shut-eye. Get the light and make sure the door’s closed on your way out, woman. See you in the morning. 

I am either a very lucky man. Or a very unlucky one. Whichever it is, wish me luck!

Brian

PS Best “Laid” Plans? Get it? Laid? It’s a euphemism. For visit me upstairs. Which is another euphemism. For “business time”. 

Oh, for Pete’s Sake, do I have to spell everything out to you people? 

Best Laid Clams of Mice and Men

7/10/2013

Or

The Road to the State Penn is Paved with Good Intentions.

Washington Discover Pass ($30 annual)

Okay, the original plan was to go to Dosewallips State Park. The boy has been pestering us to no end so I decided to bite the bullet and look for a place to go. In addition to having a silly name, the above park would be a bit of a drive; being on the other side of Hood Canal. That was both a plus and a minus. It's a pretty drive but would be at least an hour-hour and a half to get there. The name came up since a friend of mine used to go there to go clamming.  

And it required a Discover Pass! I make a point of stopping by Discovery Park and taking a big, toilet-paper-wasting dump. And then blowing my nose. My personal form of civil disobedience. 

Washington State Shellfish License-Adult ($16) 

However, the Washington State Department of Useless Information listed Dosewallips as being in the "Advisory" category with reason "Cook All Shellfish. WARNING: This beach can have multiple classifications." No! Really? Cook the shellfish? Can have multiple classifications? Well, this was a Font of Nothing. 

So, I did a search of what was open to clamming. Kitsap County? Nothing. Jefferson had Kinney Point. Not a state park but a DNR. That's kind of like a park, right? It looked nice and had a nice calming "Green" for status. I did a google reviews search, got directions, equipment, the boy and headed out yesterday mid-morning.

Clam Rake  ($24.99) 

So, the kid and I headed Northeast to Marrowstone Island. No problem. Well...A bit of a problem. We were certainly surrounded by water; it being an island and all. However, there didn't seem to be any road that went to this State Park. We drove over a good portion of place to no avail. Time to check the information I'd gathered before leaving. Ah...When the website said, "It is reachable by beachable boats only.", I guess that meant a person couldn't drive to it. Well, that seemed a dumb-assed idea. This is 'Merica, where we should be able to reach any place in These United States without the horror of having to leave your automobile. 

My best laid plans had gone awry. My Plan B? Drive till we hit a beach. So, we did. 5 minutes up that road it was Mystery Bay State Park. We left our Deposit for the Governor, and then read the signs saying there was no clamming allowed at this beach. It having been seeded with clam and oyster...eggs? to build up the population. And we saw all the signs saying the beaches to either side of the park's beach were private property so we common folk shouldn't even think about it. Another thing I learned. The public doesn't own the beach. Huh. 

On we drove. 

Gas ($25) 

North, north we went. Eventually, we made it to.... Fort Flagler State Park. Yes! Despite my confused meanderings, it was actually pretty close to Kinney Point so I figured the water wouldn't be that much different. Makes sense, right? Just to be on the safe side, I asked the nice lady in the information booth if there were any good clamming spots in the park and whether there were any current shellfish warnings. (At this time, I do not have a smart phone and so couldn't check the wdfw.wa.gov website myself.)  Yes and no were the answers I got. She pointed me in the direction of the best beach and 4 minutes later, we were there. As we were going out, a nice-looking family was returning to the parking lot with their bucket full of shellfish. We exchanged a few pleasantries and on we went. 15-ish minutes later (and after getting advice from two other groups taking pity on us) we hit "the spot". Xander working the clam rake and I worked the ladies' garden shovel. We basically just walked around till something squirted us from below. Then we dug. Most were butter clams, (or maybe Manilas) though there were a few huge cockles. Okay, this is a bit of speculation but they were definitely all clams. And no geoducks. (Shudder...)

2.5 Gallon Bucket with Lid  ($6.49) 

Our little gallon jug was filled up after maybe 35-45 minutes of digging. We collected perhaps half of what we could have (limit for most clams is 40 a day per person) but I figured we had enough to get at least one good meal out of it. And I thought the longer we were out there, the greater the chance Officer Not So Friendly would show up and helpfully point out all the rules I'd broken. So, the boy and I took a few photos, got somewhat cleaned up and put the clams into our newly purchased bigger bucket with more sea water. We gassed up, bought some snacks and headed for home.  

Convenience Store Snacks ($5.50) 

I asked Xander to give Wendi a call to tell her our estimated arrival time. Based upon our initial trip, I figured we'd take about an hour and a half to get home. To my shock, we crossed the Hood Canal Bridge in about 20 minutes. Without the clueless wanderings, the return trip back was about 20 miles. We got home way before Wendi did which gave us time to unload the car and bring in our Not-Very Deadliest Catch. (Though one of those suckers did manage to squirt me in the face. Thank Goodness I never go outside without my safety sunglasses!) 
And I had time to look up Fort Flagler on the doh.wa.gov website. See if I missed anything important. Like the information below: 

(Screen Capture of website with Fort Flagler definitely in The Shellfish Red Zone.)

.... Well, would you look at that! Ain't that a kick in the head? Seems the nice Info Lady didn't have correct info. Nor did the few other families we saw out there clamming.  Huh. 

So I had a 20ish toxic clams cooling their (figurative) heels in my new bucket. Wonderful. Smashing. And Mrs. Hardy is someone who gets nervous about expiration dates on distilled water. (Okay, that might actually be me.) Just not interested in risking it. 

What to do? Seemed kind of mean to just throw the little bivalves into the garbage. I mean, they were still alive after all...So... Maybe do kind of a Free Willy thing? 
Okay, but it was getting close to supper time. No way I was driving back to Morrowstone Island. Even if it would be a much quicker trip without all the diversions. The heck with that; I'll just do it somewhere around here. I seriously doubt my passengers would care. 
But Wendi, bless her heart, had a concern, "You just gonna put these toxic clams into the water around here? Can you do that? Is that legal?" 

Of course, that was a ridiculous concern. Pretty much every beach in the county is closed. Nobody is going to care about some dude returning clams to our toxic sea. Right?.....
On the other hand, being arrested for " Spreading Marine Biotoxin" would be a really stupid thing to get busted for. 

"Local man, former teacher seen above with former wife and former son, to be sentenced today for the lamest crime ever."  

So, no, I was sure this would be fine but, let's just say I didn't advertise what I am doing. Just, you know, do it on the sneaky-like. Sigh. And I really am trying to do a good deed here. I thought I was anyway. A good deed. 

So I zip over to Scenic Beach. (In a bit of a hurry so I don't bother with my usual "deposit for the governor".) Wow! I have literally never seen the Scenic Beach so crowded. Maybe somewhere else. 
Like the boat launch just one mile away. Looks good. Nobody around. Maybe I'll just head back to my car and..... What the hell are those people doing? Out of nowhere a fat family of dumb people drive up to the boat launch and park. Just park and just stand there stupidly looking stupid. Without a boat, I might add! I think it's very rude to hang out at a boat launch without a boat. Frankly, I think it's downright suspicious. (Unless you are trying to release wildlife back into the wild. That would be a noble act of nobility.) 

Okay, so let's zip into Silverdale. There's a park on the beach. Probably crowded but a noble-looking fellow with a bucket wouldn't attract too much attention. Lots of people fish off that pier. 

(Important side note. What the boat ties up to and what you walk on is the "pier". The water between piers, where the boats bob up and down is the "dock". Call the Pope. Otis Redding could apparently sit on water.) 

Well, my luck held because I could not find a single parking spot anywhere near the park. Never happened before but yesterday was the day. Time to take a break and just hope the little suckers didn't start boiling in the back. Took time to walk a couple miles at the Y. 

Refreshed and now very ready for dinner, I took a quick pass by the Silverdale park. Still full. Time to drive out to Seabeck again. It was high tide so the water was right up to the sea wall in "downtown" Seabeck. I pulled over. Walked my new bucket a good distance away from a family letting their dog play in the water. Waiting. Traffic goes by. Waiting some more. Look around (but not in a suspicious way) and nobody seems to be looking my way. Off with the lid. (Ugh...They all have their...dangly part out.) Keeping the bucket in a firm grasp using both hands, I heave the contents as far out into the water as possible. Good luck, boys. You're on your own now.
Total time from leaving the car to my return: 35 seconds. Time to make my get away to the fabulous chick-pea burger awaiting me at home.

Since I am not writing you this from prison, you may assume that either spending roughly $100 to transport some clams about 25 air miles south isn't a crime OR nobody in authority was around to witness the wrong doing.  Either way, I'm probably okay. 
Xander will remember to fun of catching clams and the joy of seeing his father getting squirted in the butt. Some things are beyond price, my friends. 

And I still have all of August to find a better beach. Maybe Dosewallips.....
We could go to Long Beach and make it an overnighter. 
Probably need a clam gun for that......

Feared By Bi-valves Everywhere,

Brian

You’re Just Being Shellfish!

7/1/2013

I'm just walking from one chair in the dark to the next. I am taking a sensible caution of avoiding light on the off-chance I might burst into flames. 

Wendi and Xander have gone to the grocery store to get won ton wrappings for the BBQ and....some other stuff. Legos, maybe? (Yes, she probably told me about 8 times.) After that, Xander has his TKD lesson so it's back to the Y for the second time today. I'm considering going there a second time simply because they have a/c. 

Yesterday was quite productive. I redid the emergency supplies, watered all the vital trees/plants, mowed and weedeated. (Is that a word?) I also got my wonderful neighbor to agree to a date to saw down the tree which a is on our property but is leaning towards his driveway. This is the 3rd summer I've been looking at that widow maker. It's always been "Yeah, we'll get that soon." but we finally decided on this Saturday. Yippee!

I now have a crap-load of bug spray, sun block, and canned food from last year's emergency supplies. They are good now but won't last another year. Maybe come Thursday, we can bring won tons AND 12 pounds of Chili. And 110 ounces of mandarin oranges. The oranges aren't a big problem as they are in small(ish) cans but the 6 pound cans of chili kind of scare me. There is no going back once you open one of those bad boys. 

Granted, J seems to have invited the majority of the county so she might need some extra chow. And it will be outside. And the 4th of July. Rocket's Red Glare. Gas Clouds Bursting Everywhere....  

Ms. Wendi seems to have enjoyed her solo week though word on the street has it she was moving a bit slowly to morning after Mrs. B's visit. 

'Bout 1/3 of the way through my latest novel; a horror novel called NOS4A2. I don't know why I do this to myself. I buy a scary book and then half-way through, it's all "Too much anxiety. Can't continue book!" 

Any of you know who might have left a large glass serving bowl with a blue lid at our BBQ a couple of week's back? It's here on my desk and will continue to do so till I find its rightful owner. 

Hope to see the majority of you on Thursday. 

Salut!

B. 

The Ranch 2013

6/25/2013

Dad-For The Win!

Well, as you can see by the photo, Xander was quite happy to be finally reunited with his long-lost best bud Alex. (What you might not be able to tell is that he [Xander] asked me to wait a moment before taking the pic to furtively wipe a tear away.) Sometime this evening, Xander had for some reason left his stuffed animal in the TV room.

At least that was his (Alex's) story.

Not easy to come out the hero here at the Ranch. Seems my whole job is to say No! to my son.  He really would like nothing more than to occupy 98.4+% of his grandmother's time. Intellectually, he understands that Grandpa Harold needs a lot of help but the scope of the job is really beyond him. And so it's up to me to remind him 10-12 times a day to not add to Tutu's work. Just this morning.  it was that he should have been just as enthusiastic for the pizza option as the hamburger option. Tutu can just buy one but has to make the other. Imagine hearing something like that from your old man over and over.

And over....

He would get the idea VERY quickly were Harold to collapse to the floor (again) or something else similarly traumatic but I don't really want Xander to have to learn this lesson right now. So, he'll just have to put up with the World's Lamest Parent destroying all his hopes and dreams.

And, of course, the entire Ranch is "base"; where his person is sacrosanct and little things like manners and acceptable speech go outta the dang window.

Pester me not with your trivial concerns, old uptight man. Tutu and I must discuss the vital matter of squirrel traps. Begone! I say.

And all I want to do is reach across the dinner table is grab him by the collar and scream, "Close your #%!*¥! mouth when you eat, you pig!!" But that wouldn't be cool. At least with the M-I-L in the room. So I just try to encode positive reminders in the strained looks I give him after he has interrupted us or put his feet up on his chair for the killionth* time.

On the plus side, we have finally started reading "Eddie Dickens" and, as a favorite book reviewer promised, it's hysterical.

And we saw a moose tonight. Out in the pasture. All these years in the Valley and till last year, I just thought they were really buff deer.

Oh, and the Lionel Richie CD playing during dinner time got off track and "Hello" suddenly sounded like it was coming from the Pits of Hell. Well, more than normal. This was something only I could enjoy. Xander doesn't know what true 80s Soft Rock is supposed to sound like. Harold can't hear for squat and Tina tunes it out 'cause she hates bland music playing throughout the house. Has for decades.

Clearly, she did not imbue her daughter with the same suffer in silence mindset.

So anyway, I liked Lucifer Richie, the moose and finding my son's teddy bear. Just tomorrow has further thrills in store.

'Night!

The Hero Brian

* A number so big, it can be fatal to understand how big it is.

Sent from anyplace in Winthrop I can find with wi-fi.

(Un)Thrilling News From Silverdale!!!

8/11/2012

Hey Aunt B!

As you know, we went to the King Tut Exhibit yesterday. Glad we went but Xander ended up getting rather bored about half way through the thing. You can only look at so many old statues before antsiness sets in. But for me, highlight was seeing the Ancient Egyptian Unguent Jars. No, really. I excitedly dragged the boy and wife over to see. (To their great unexcitement.)

You see, just in the past week, I learned there is a difference between "unguent" and "ungulate". (I know, talk about embarrassing!)

In a fit of elation, I also took some unguent photos with my cell phone. Then realized what a dumb-assed thing that was to do with that piece of crud phone.

Xander's Heartfelt Writing on his wonderful day was and I quote:

I went to Seatll.

I went to the King tut egsipit.

It was okay.

It was vare long.

Wouldn't you say the boy takes after the Berry side in writing?

In the more important news category, Xander's 9th birthday went very well. The Darth Vader Piñata was a big hit. (So to speak) Young JL nearly whacked dad A in the bread basket so that was good fun. And Xander was able to salvage most of his head after the beat-down once it had been emptied. (Vader's-Not A's) Truly a terrifying sight.

Wendi's decided to go down to 2 days a week as Mondays have started being extremely light this past six months and she only gets  paid when the clients show up. With  the long commute,  the toll, lunch and Martha  and Mary  before  and  after  school, if she  doesn't have  at least 4 clients  show up, she loses money on the day. Which has  happened quite a bit  So  we'll  be in  slightly less money  but  my Mondays will be  a lot  less harried  So I'm glad about that Plus, she's started Weight Watchers  so Monday's  will no  longer  be  the Hardy Boys'  Bacon Ice Cream Night. Good  thing? Bad thing? Time will tell.

Apparently, the moles have been laying low this past June and July only so they could launch an all out attack this past few weeks. I know I should be above all this but pretty much first thing every morning I want to put on Big Spikey Boots and jump up and down on small furry animals.

The Devil probably would've won that bet had Job faced two or three new mole hills every morning.

Okay, now I really do have to wrap it up. The Family is tag-teaming me with glares and sharp comments. Time to go

Das Va-Dawn-Ya!