Our Fabulous Day

7/17/2003

Our Thursday morning Dr. McMillan appointment started at 8:00 like it always does. That went well. Wendi hadn’t gained any weight, her blood pressure was down and her urine wasn’t showing any protein. The doctor also told us that the baby was doing fine; actually on the large side (nearly 6 pounds) and that the plan was still to induce a week early. That is, if Mother Nature didn’t beat us to the punch. As it stood, Xander was now considered a full term baby and could deliver anytime. We got a 2:00 time for our “let’s just be on the safe side” sonogram. (Also called an ultrasound.)

Immediately after the appointment, Wendi got her stress test which is where they hook up a fetal heart monitor to the belly (the pregnant woman’s belly, that is) and the heart rate is monitored while the woman hits a clicker whenever she feels the baby kick. The idea is that the heart rates should go up as the activity level goes up. Everything so far, so good but it was another hour down the tubes.

At 1:45, we show up for our sonogram and, despite our hopes of seeing whether lil’ Xander’s got my Mom’s freakish thumbs or Wendi’s dark, brown hair, we basically just saw a whole bunch of blobs again. However, the technician seemed quite satisfied with what she saw. But she had to send the results to Dr. McMillian upstairs. That she did whilst I tried to wipe Wendi’s stomach clear of the all the goo used to make a good contact.

When techie comes back, she tells us that the doctor would like us to stop by upstairs. No biggie. However, when we saw Doctor’s Assistant Julie pushing a wheelchair down the hall towards us. “Oh shit, we’re just not going to get those Pooh stickers up….” But it seems they just wanted Wendi to go through another series of stress tests at the Woman and Children’s Clinic on the other side of the building.  This is where we’ll be delivering at some time in the future.

We were there for a one hour stress test and then another hour one after that. While the facility is very nice, it was still not the most exciting way to spend an afternoon. In fact, it was boring as hell. What makes it worse is that we didn’t bring Wendi’s “Busy Bag” full of stuff we can work on when the mood strikes us. We were only going to be 45 minutes!

While I was checking in and getting my visitor pass (they take security VERY seriously here) a young woman was checking in. When asked, she said her DOB was 1982.

God, I’m old….

At about quarter past 5, we stumbled out of there: the Pregnant One hungry as hell and demanding lobster. That’s when you got the call. It would have been nice to share these adventures with someone. No doubt, you were reading your 43rd teacher training book of the summer. Or pulling out stumps with your bare hands in the back yard. Something productive. It’s too bad because you could have seen a small round woman eat nearly her weight in shellfish. Something everyone should see at least once in their lifetime.

Well, this little episode really put the Fear of God into us. (Though we had plenty of that already.) Tomorrow, it’s all about the Baby Room, the Take to the Hospital Bag, tracking down the glider (rockers are so 20th Century!) just getting serious! Unfortunately, I am obviously inept to do any shopping for things like gliders or curtains. Tina’s over in Winthrop and Wendi’s down for the count. (She actually asked the doctor if shopping was okay if I “pushed her around in a cart”.  Dr. McMillan was having NONE of that, thank you.)

So she and I will get done what we can before The Time Comes. Tomorrow, it’s over to Seattle for me to get about 3 month’s worth of hay. (Laugh if you must…)

That reminds me. The bun sitter is all lined up. Trina might not be around if we deliver early. Consider yourself on standby. (That is, pretty please.)

Sigh, I’ve recorded our harrowing adventures and will keep a copy for posterity. Hope this is of interest to you as, well, you might be in the same predicament.

Don’t be shy about staying in contact. Watching the woman try to rise off the couch is quite entertaining in itself.

Speaking of which, best go see to her needs.

Adios.

B.

Really Down to It

7/10/2003

To Everyone,

  Well, we’re really down to it. Tomorrow’s Wendi’s last day of work and that’ll be just a few hours. Darn that pregnancy-induced high blood pressure! (AKA Preeclampsia) I’ve heard stories of women in Eastern Gunngadesh giving birth in the rice fields and getting right back to work. Granted, it’s only men who tell these apocryphal stories.

Ah, one good thing about Wendi staying home. Wendi can stop bothering with socks. Or rather, she can stop ordering me to wedge them onto her very swollen feet. Time for her to be the barefoot and pregnant wife she was meant to be.

The hospital pre-check in (called Stork Express) went well. The nurse was very impressed that we’d taken just about every class offered under the sun. (Except the obstetric anesthesia class which won’t be until next Wednesday.)

The doctor mentioned the option of inducing a week or two early.  That’d be okay with me. Let’s get the show on the road! Wendi has already informed me that I’m to be her entertainment for the foreseeable  future while she’s bed/couch ridden. All that and 80 degree weather? It’s gonna be a looong July….

This unfortunately means my summer vacation is really over now; no more matinees, playing xBox all day or sneaking over to Seattle. Now it’s seriously catering to HER EVERY WHIM.

Kinda sorta thought I was doing that already.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) most of my summer to do list is done. My first few weeks of summer were extremely busy. The beginning of July is when I traditionally go over to the Valley but not so this year. Wendi set a June 31st deadline for any trips east. Sigh…Didn’t quite plan this one out very well.

As a result, the week has been extremely boring. Yes, my brothers ARE telling me to quit whining but who cares? They didn’t manage the baby shower so they can pack sand. J

One good bit of news is that Harold’s coming over with the baby furniture (Wendi’s old stuff, actually) so we can we start to have a baby room that actually looks like what it’s supposed to. The crib is on order and should be here in another week or so.

Dad’s also supposed to be coming over so we can clean out the garage; my last major household project. No doubt he’ll come up with several other things we should do.

One thing occupying all my “free” time has been college/estate planning. Well, not so much DOING anything but learning the ropes. This has been both interesting and encouraging. Procrastination and planning based on false assumptions have put more folks in the poor house than every low public-employee wage did. We’re hoping Wendi can take nearly a year off before she has to go to work so budgeting/money management will have to be well-thought out. (That’s where Wendi really comes into the picture.) There may be hope for us yet; both in terms of the next year and long term retirement.

Mom’s extremely limited options at life’s end really put the Fear of God into me. As it should all of you…

I recently read Raising Cain about the emotional lives of boys and how not to screw them up. (Important Note: Boys aren’t just defective females. They’re supposed to be like that.) How did Mom survive?

Let’s see, anything else to impart? Wendi-lots of bedrest. Brian-bored all today. Xander’s been having lots of hiccups. That’s something. PLENTY of items left on our Target.com baby registry. (Yes, that means YOU, you low-down, non-baby shower coming siblings!)

Best go see if the Wife wishes her drink freshened, pillow fluffed or anything else. I’ll keep you informed.

Brian

Getting Ready

06/18/2003

Auntie

   It’s early afternoon and I’m coming off a 2 hour tidying-up binge and have finally decided to stop moving around so much. Writing a letter seemed a good use of time. Wendi’s always telling me I’ve got to learn to relax. That’s fine as long as this “relax” thing doesn’t involve immobility and/or wasting time.

   Yesterday, Wendi, Tina and Aunt Ginni went out to Target to work on Bean baby registry. Well, actually, Wendi and Ginni were working on it. Tina seemed too busy buying stuff for her new grandchild to bother. Upstairs in the soon to be baby room, we have a pile of baby clothes and a pile of baby “other”. That stuff really adds up. Never fear! There’ll still be plenty left over for the shower. (Which is the 21st, I think.)

   Meanwhile, I tooled around Seattle: picking up hay for the buns, going to a real computer store and the library. I also swung by Dad’s and finally got a look at the crib he’s been working on for months. To my shock, there’s a difference between a “crib” and a “cradle”. (Like in the rock-a-by song.)

   Dad has made the latter, which looks okay for a VERY small baby but doesn’t negate the need for a crib some 6 months into Bean’s existence. This’ll work fine really as we may want something for downstairs. Besides which, Wendi will be nervous about putting her precious one in anything without the Consumer Report or Girlfriend’s Guide Stamp of Approval on it. I don’t know what they did back in The Day, but young, overly educated mothers today wish to reduce the chance of any mishap to statistical insignificance. And then bring it down just a little bit more…

No doubt in 20-30 years, we will all be laughing about how primitive things were in the “Ought” (“aughts”? “Oughts”?) but that is the way of things.

   I have been getting very interested in estate planning: like the world needed more proof I was born middle aged. We will be setting up a trust for any/all of our wee ones. No use letting the courts in on the action. Wendi and I are still considering our options for godparents. We’ve sort of settled on Jeff and Maria though Wendi needs a bit more time to stew about it before we ask.

    So the wife will probably take several more weeks to decide and then I’ll just take care of it when she’s not looking. She’s having a terrible time trying to decide on a car seat; imagine how much more worrying this will take. And now we’ve got a crib to get….

    Were I in charge, we’d make at least 3Xs as many decisions a day, AT LEAST 75% of which would not be life threatening.

   Sounds like I won’t see you at the Shower but we’ll see you later this summer. Take care.

Love,

B.

My Plans (Apologies for the Length)

11/10/2002

JB,

Wendi told me earlier she'd talked with you this morning and you told her you'd take care of the getting a sub for Tuesday and Wednesday. Thanks. The wife's also trying to get ahold of A so he can help J plan out a bit.

As silly as this sounds, this is all very sudden. Yes, the doctors did give us a 1 to 3 month diagnosis but in my mind, it was going be closer to 3 than 1. We chatted nicely yesterday morning. I took some pictures with her and my brother Gregg, my cousin and her daughter came by. All pretty normal. Mom wasn't in super condition; it was very hard to understand what she was saying but she was tracking the conversations well enough. We tried to get her to swallow an anti-nausea pill so she could eat something more substantial than root beer floats (her 'food' of choice over the past few days) without vomiting. For some reason, it just went downhill from there. She was gone within an extremely long 90 minutes.

I wouldn't wish death from lung cancer on anybody. It was not terribly peaceful though I don't think she was in any physical pain but her body was struggling for breath and that was difficult to bear and will be a painful memory.

However, she died at home surrounded by her sister, three of her sons and her wonderful caregiver. In the previous two weeks, she'd had a chance to talk with/make peace with all the important folks in her life. At the end, Aunt B and brother sang her favorite songs to her while holding her hands. Mom, though dying, still managed to joke, smile and even try to sing along right up to the end. There are worse ways to go...

This is the first death of someone close to me I've ever experienced. The last one in the family was my Grandpa and I was 4 years old and didn't really know him at all. I don't know how I feel about all this. Anguished about the suffering she endured. (Not a whole lot but she was my mother and all.) Relieved that "it's over". Glad that my older brothers who lived in the same town, can get on with their lives. I'm also very saddened that our future kids won't get a chance to know "Grandma Jean" like my nieces all did. Mostly, it's just a feeling of disconnect. We cleaned out her tiny little house today and it felt like being in a very odd play. Is this it? Is this all we come  to? Deciding who gets what and trying to make sure the bills are paid? Sigh...

Mostly, I'm just exhausted. Tired of being sad, tired of reliving those painful last breaths or just thinking, "She and I were talking just 24 hours ago". Mostly, just tired of thinking. I need a mind colonic in the worst way. Sure wish I'd brought the Game Cube. :)

The memorial service is next Saturday. We're having a public shindig at a local resort and then a smaller gathering at my eldest brother's house just for family. My Mom was a very popular writer for the local newspaper so we're concerned that too many people might show up. Who knows with these things?

We will probably just make that trip an overnighter. (Though I know I could take more time if needed.) I for one am looking forwarded to some sort of normalcy returning. Well, normalcy starting up.

As Wendi mentioned, I plan to be back to work on Thursday. There's a day or two of settling up stuff here. And I'd like a bit of time to readjust to Silverdale life. However, my plans may include sneaking in one night to work on grades. I'll get more done with nobody around and I'm not ready to say anything meaningful to the inevitable question, "How you doing?" (Maybe a button that says "Sad, but that's okay!".)

You would've liked my Mom, I think. She had the "little old country lady" bit down to a high art.

But, like her youngest son, she had to write about things to figure out what she thought on a subject (but Mom had the courtesy to NOT e-mail her musings to poor, unsuspecting souls).

Share if you wish with the staff. R's been kept up to date as of this morning but that's about it. However, this shouldn't be a shock to anyone as they all seemed to know the  reason for all the time off.

Thanks for listening and being a good boss.

Brian

Where I’m At

10/27/2002

J

I've just returned from Spokane to see my Mom. Last Thursday we learned she has terminal cancer and she has elected to forgo any further treatment with the exception of pain mitigation. According to the doctors, she may have a  month or up to six. Anyway, she's very keen on getting back to her little house but she will need round the clock assistance (in addition to the hospice medical care which her insurance will provide) and that will involve all of us 4 brothers to help. I may need to take a day or two off every couple weeks or so but will try to have my "watches" only on the weekend.

Because this is very difficult to discuss, even with caring, well-meaning coworkers, I'd prefer to keep this under wraps. You know because this may affect my job performance, R knows because we're very close with the Ws and I told A in case I wasn't here tomorrow and my sub needed help. If my students ask, I will simply say that my relative is receiving excellent  care and will be going home soon.

As my original plans were to come back on Saturday, allowing me today to prep for next week, I'm now very behind in going over Thursday and Friday's work as well as preparing for next week. Might we reschedule our meeting tomorrow morning?

Thank you.

Brian Hardy

Just Got Back from Spokane

10/27/2002

Writing an e-mail will kill many birds with one stone though I'll still need to make a few phone calls tonight. Wendi is at the hospital, Tina in Winthrop and maybe Gregg. Talking about "plans FOR Mom" is relatively easy but I find "talking ABOUT Mom" a lot tougher. Writing also puts it at a distance; more clinical.

Anyway, I left Spokane at 2:30, like Wendi taking an Alaska Airlines flight. (She came into Spokane last night.) This will allow her to drive to Winthrop behind the ambulance when Mom goes home. Where it stood as of then was.....

Dr. Nickels (oncology) says Mom can stay at the hospital as long as needed till we get the living arrangements up and running. We like Dr. Nickels.

Danielle Something-Italian-Sounding (Social Worker- Setting up hospice care). Things might be set up by Monday. Or, they might not. What she's in charge of setting up is medical instruments such a hospital bed, wheelchair and  the like. Nothing immediately required as she already has oxygen there. I think it'll happen tomorrow.

The Great Nurses at Sacred Heart- Jeanne needs to 1. Eat More 2. Move about more. I'm hoping Wendi can persuade Mom to chow down more food. Someone’s always lecturing Mom; it might work eventually. We (a nurse and I) tried to get Mom to take a walk but she was just too out of it to manage more than standing up straight  and taking two  tiny steps to  the left. I'm just  telling her over and over, "One step means one more paragraph". The two things she's REALLY interested in are reuniting with Benny the Dog Couch and getting  lots of writing done. She needs her strength and her mind to do the writing. J is working on making the computer set up more user friendly.

Speaking of Mom, due to our (well, Barbara's) complaining and griping, Mom's morphine dosage has been lowered. Last night, right after Wendi and I left her room (about midnight), she was given a 12 hour dose of morphine with the idea of fewer injections from the 1 to 2 hour doses she had been getting. Barb was quite alarmed at what a zombie Mom was this morning so the dosage  has been lowered. Mom seemed much more with it by the time I'd left at about 1:30 today.  Mom was very distraught at the prospect of Barbara going (and possibly me, too) but Aunt Barbara was going to leave shortly after I did. A very, very tough choice. Mom's also charged about going home and is ready to  go at a moment's notice.

Tina (Godsend) She's looking into home health care givers in the Valley.

Not having talked to her or anyone else in the past 5 hours, I don't know her progress. She was going to try to get ahold of Jeff to discuss a possible Mother/Daughter team who might serve our needs. She also keeps telling Wendi she can be in Spokane in 3 and 1 /2 hours.

Me. A bit frazzled. Trying to be less thinking/more action!

Wendi (Wife) Is staying with Mom. The only family member there now with her. She'll be "on duty" at least until Tuesday and has offered to stay longer if needed. On a side note, she was really thinking she might be pregnant and so was quite happy. Doesn't look like it though despite the few positive pregnancy tests (more were negative). Severe cramps have been a problem and because a friend of ours nearly died last month from an ectopic or tubal pregnancy, I didn't want to go but Wendi felt for sure it was just the onset of "that time of the month" and told me to hit the road. Besides which, she WAS at a hospital. Not something I want to think about.

JS (mom's cousin).  The  S Family  doesn't  hold that  high esteem among the Bs but I’ve got no complaints against J. He's been there  twice and promises to visit her in Winthrop. A standup guy in my book.

That's all the cast of characters I have any news on. In terms of the Plan For Mom, hospice will take care of the medical needs but we'll will need to provide the 24/7 care. Just playing around with the numbers last night, if we had a Home Care Giver work a 12 hour shift Monday through Friday, Jeff and Gregg could alternate evenings and Steve and I could alternate weekends. That  would leave Sunday afternoon till morning for one of the zillions of Valley folks who have offered to volunteer. (We don't want to use this resource up too quickly.)

This would give G/J some breaks while getting me and Steve in on the action and using the tons of volunteers to plug the holes. It's still going to be damned  expensive though. $2,400 a month at $10 an hour.  In theory, Medicaid will start picking up the tab once she's in the system but that'll be a month away at  least. Wendi says the Medicaid does pick up the tab retroactively  in some cases. That'd be super but we probably shouldn't hold our breath.

(Continuing to write unencumbered by consolations with anyone...) Wendi and I could cover 1 /3 of that without great hardship, even half for a few months. Realistically, Gregg's share could be made up of the biggest slice of the watch. Steve and I can't.

Anyway, those are my musings for now. Hopefully, someone's come up with a better plan. I think I'll start calling people.

Brian

A Gorgeous Day in Silverdale

6/9/2002

An odd thing happened today in the little town by the mall. Instead of rain falling from the sky, there was a large bright ball which made everything warm. Most peculiar…

I took advantage of this strange event by finishing the mowing started yesterday, going jogging, doing work (playing) on the computers and trying to watch all the rented movies and return them before 12:00. A full day!

The “work” was editing a PowerPoint presentation one of my fellow teachers put together. It’s of mostly photos of Clear Creek staff going about their business and George asked me to throw in some (hopefully amusing) commentary so that is what I attempted. I think it’ll go well with the exception of the picture of B the day custodian. Humor just doesn’t stick with that woman. Nice lady; we get along fine but her aura, her magnetic field or something, seems to deflect all forms of comedy. The word “shit” is almost always good for a chuckle but in this case it would probably just be viewed in poor taste.

The presentation is for our End of the Year seminar at the Island Lake Conference Center. The Center is just a large hall in Northern Silverdale (the swanky part of town) and Clear Creek has its year-end shindig there because it’s nice, close, and there’s NO DRINKING ON SCHOOL PROPERTY. The official business involved is deciding on some scheduling for next year, saying goodbye to the outgoing teachers, and hello to our new teachers (That is, new since the 00-01 school year.) After this point last year, the men folk all left and the women did who knows what. There seems to be an informal segregation between the sexes at Clear Creek which is odd as we have a much higher percentage of males (about 1/3 the staff) than other elementary schools. I seem to be the exception as I hang out more with women than men. (Wendi’s our social director and my closest coworkers are all ladies. Well, females.)

S and family stopped by last night. It was the first time they’d all been here since Halloween. I wish they’d come out here more. The girls certainly like coming out here and F always seems to enjoy chatting with Wendi. (This is true at any sort of Hardy/Berry gathering.) They certainly did yesterday, mostly about their moronic husbands. S works a lot and F’s not happy about it. He makes me look like a clacker. Then again, I have a lawn, molding, paved driveway, and other nice touches that the woman-folk seem to prefer.

(Wendi also talked pregnancy plans, so it seems the cat’s out of the bag.)

While the Sisters in Law were bemoaning their dopy men and talking house decorating tips, S, the giris and I were having a wonderful time playing Nintendo games on Wendi's GameCube. The adults had to drag us away after many hours to feed us at the local Chinese Restaurant. It was a nice time but I suspect on the trip back to Bainbridge, my older brother got an earful about all the things their home needs.

BTW (By the Way to the  non-tech savvy), they are going to Disneyland next week with perhaps a quick drive to San Diego too.

Speaking of tech-savvy, I got my first  post-graduation  transcript from Lesley University yesterday. lt lists "Master of Education” being conferred on  5/20/02. Doesn't yet feel real. Should have a party or something. Might get a few presents out of it! The only problem is  my  insane Sister  in law  is getting married weekend  after  next  and since  we're  not  lifting a  finger  on her  account, she1 s certainly  not  doing so  on my  account.  Granted,  I've been working on this degree longer than she has her relationship but that's neither here nor there.

Clear Creek sp/ed services end on Thursday of next week. This gives us special ed. teachers a chance to do all the end of year stuff before, well, the end of the year. It pisses off the regular teachers to no end but c'est la vie. We're actually ending later in the year than other schools. it Would be nice to get everything done: grades, testing, paperwork, storage, etc. done before the actual end of the year. Last year, it took me two half days to get everything squared away, Correction, two un-pald half days. THANKS, GOVERNOR! (This was only the fourth weekend of the year I didn't go into work but I couldn't leave without my grade book, plan book and math teacher’s manual.)

So anyway. I’ll really focus on getting everything ship-shape during the actual school year. It would be nice to spend time in a 5th grade classroom to get a feel for it. Granted, ANY class in mid-June is going to be off-kilter.

It’ll also be important  to  start  hitting any/all  book  sales that  come my  way  in the  future. Probably  my  biggest  expense next  fall will  be  coming up with a new  classroom  library  suitable  for  5th  graders.  "Frog  and Toad”     and "Arthur” books just  aren’t  big  with  that  set.  S seemed very surprised that teachers had to pay their own money to set up their classrooms. (That is, to do their jobs.) Oh S, so innocent…

Hearing F speak about her frustration (via Wendi later that night) over S’s killer work schedule makes me feel a wee bit better about my crummy old job. The pay’s low and the hours are long but at least it means something. When I start to teach well, it will make quite a difference. That really isn’t something S, J, or H could say.

Unfortunately, the fact that I could be making an extra 4-5 hundred per paycheck for the same work were we to move 90 minutes south or, much more bothersome, an extra thousand per month were we to drive four hours south (granted, at 1:30 AM) kinda takes the warming glow off it all. But I’ve traveled down this well-worn road before.

I took a few pictures yesterday but nothing spectacular. We’re still in the novice stage of digital photography. I’ll send you one or two once they’re on the computer.

Just about dinner time. I’d best go check on things.

Adios,

Brian